I am blessed to have many important endeavors, each of worthy pursuit, pockets of time well spent. Activities that are good for me and good for others. Time is a gift, as I purposefully and freely and happily do and do and do. However when one large project comes along, one that cannot be brought to conclusion for months, yet really can’t be knocked out ahead because of mostly last minute elements, time that used to be productive can become a source of guilt and stress. 

How can I handle this without burnout, without making good use and bad use, time distinctions. Putting a lid on spending time otherwise, even though the project cannot really progress yet, I find that the freedom to do all those other things is squashed. Suppressing my usual worthwhile activities, I feel unwell, dried out, and like I may implode.  For me it shows up in in autoimmune conditions, in digestion and skin conditions. Yep and yep. Symptoms are popping up. Yep. Brain fog and exhaustion, sleep disruption, and even pain in my arm and stomach and elsewhere. That pain is from inflammation while at the same time I am drying up, in my skin and in my eyes and elsewhere. Fluid is held in the wrong places. All of this because of stress!

Giver…. I am ….  but me as the receiver, needs help. So how can I heal? Receive. Refuel. Turn things around. It is time for silence, to listen to inner and outer cries, adjust the course of my life by taking care, do those important things aside from “the project”, and do not dim my light. Breathe. There is time for other things. Everything will fall into place those last few days.

The unwellness is letting me know that I need to become more intentional about 1. Nutrition 2. Where am I over giving 3. Am I giving time to silence, to journal, meditate, pray enough 4. Am I putting a lid on any important pursuits?  

Pockets of Time Well Spent

This reminds me of the beautiful but invasive Japanese Knotweed plant. Talk about a project! It will take over and can actually ruin the sale-ability of your and neighbors’ homes!! The only thing that might stop it is laying down cement. Nothing else has worked to stop its spread. Luckily I realized that my “gift’ from a fellow gardener was more than I had bargained for and I carefully extracted every bit of root that in just a month was aggressively expanding. I did this yesterday even though my “Big Project” is not complete. This was also important. Today I am taking time here to write, even though my “Big Project” will not be complete till this weekend. I am working at not judging my time spent as bad, and also working at not stressing.

In the meantime I have learned about limits, and to be more aware in the future. I have made the association between stress and physical manifestations and it is time to heal. Taking pockets of time to do other important things besides worry, I am also drinking lots of water. Detoxifying dandelion root tea is brewing. Olive oil and coconut oil in cooking will help with the internal dryness. I have identified my stressors and am taking time to meditate and pray. I getting to the root and have cleared space now for worthwhile activities … and native plants!