Hang in here now as I talk through this. What am I having trouble committing to?
Play tennis regularly? 4-5 times a week, no problem. Healthy eating, yep. Time with God, this is essential, my mindless “go to” for lament and praise. Thrifting, shopping, procuring … 24/7 baby. I support and connect with my children and grands … whenever they let me haha. Indoor and outdoor plants are my peeps, we hangout. Weekly volunteer shift and yoga practice, for over a year now, WOW! Although lately have a shoulder issue getting somewhat in the way.
Much of the above are my escapes. They are structured chunks of time when I feel joyful. Easy peasy, all is bright, stay busy and avoid avoid avoid abort abort abort any low profile commitments.
Attention deficit in several other areas due to lack of commitment is a conundrum. Maybe I can solve it here. Organization of photos, family history, and memorabilia has been a daunting task that I have restarted several times, each time having no idea what the plan was that I developed last shuffle. Maintenance and refinement of digital photos is another project suffering neglect.
Posting weekly to this blog has dwindled to a trickle. Why, when writing is so good for my brain and helps me record important solutions to refer back to, along with serving many other purposes, why has this taken a back seat in my retirement ride? Blogging, composing poetry, letters to my children, and books for my grandchildren needs recommitment.
Is it ok to have excessive quantities of ribbon, beads, art supplies, paintings, yarn for weavings, dried flowers, dried herbs, tinctures that still need to be filtered and freed of herbs, supplies for projects envisioned, ceramic pots, vases, seeds? Oh gosh this is stressing me out. It is who I am though. The question is, am I committed to using them or should they be divested? I do use them sporadically but more routine here is desirable.
Trouble Committing When Help is Needed
Then there are areas where it just is not a solo act. I need help. Outdoors we need a facelift. The front porch and the covered porch are a shit show. Too many gardens and weeds have popped up everywhere. After a horrible ice storm, the fence has fallen. A bench that was cute when close to a huge evergreen is now just hanging out at a weird angle all by itself since the tree was iced out to pine needle heaven …. and …. ugggg the list goes on. Two huge, heavy, ugly pots need trashed but first let’s plant the evergreen that is in one of them. All of this is beyond my muscularity. I must commit to getting help.
Again, why are some things harder to commit to? This was actually the question posed in my meditation group that BTW I have regularly participated in twice a week for 5 years now. Very doable. Loyal founding member I am! Why why why?! Some things are easy to commit to.
Fudge this conundrum. Break the overwhelm down and get pieces on my calendar. Anything that is scheduled will get done. Even if I need help, I can start with the ask. If any of it is no longer important to me then cross it off and be done with it.
Give myself a little grace too. Hubby retired this year and is home full time now.
YIKES
Remember, not everything is mindlessly, meditatively, selfishly, pleasurable and effortlessly commitable. Some things are more difficult, require major research and choices, time, and possibly sporadic rather than easy routine integration into the schedule. Commit to acknowledgment of troubles committing awareness here can be transformational. Transition, pivot, make a plan. I’ve got this.
What eludes you and why?
